


Once In a While

by erisaspider



Series: Princess Ursa's Palace for Oddities [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1940s, Alternate Universe - Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, Angst, F/F, Falling Out of Love, Hama POV, Hama centric, Hama interlude, Hama is young in this, Jet/Zuko (Avatar) mentioned, Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar) mentioned, Passage of time, Self-Indulgent, Suki/Yue (Avatar) mentioned, about the mess that is her life, all the other characters are mentioned, and Hama's inner thoughts, and like one person told me they wanted to read it, but just in case, but not really because time never passes here, does kanna even count as a major character death?, i wrote this cause I wanted to, just a look at Hama and Kanna's relationship, so here it is, tfw your ex-lover's grandchildren show up out of nowhere after seventy years have passed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28491681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisaspider/pseuds/erisaspider
Summary: Once in a while will you try to giveOne little thought to meThough someone else may beNearer your heart?*Once, Hama was sure they'd be together forever, but now Kanna is nothing but a memory with just letters and ribbons left--and a pair of grandchildren, she thinks that might be the worst of it.Title taken from Once In a While by Dean Martin. Based on Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children.
Relationships: Hama/Kanna (Avatar)
Series: Princess Ursa's Palace for Oddities [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062356
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Once In a While

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this the Hama interlude. This is...I don't know what this is, honestly. A sequel? A prequel? Both? Whatever, point is, if you haven't read Princess Ursa's Palace for Oddities, you probably shouldn't read this 'cause you'll be confused. I mean, do what you want, but you've been warned.

Kanna had always been so headstrong and sure of herself, that's what had attracted Hama to her in the first place. She supposed, that their similarities were what helped them click so well, but they were different enough too. Yue had once said that an ideal relationship will have the partners be different enough on the surface, so that they can push each other's boundaries and balance each other out, but alike enough where it matters, so that they could get along and enjoy each other's company.

Hama often thought of this, often thought of the other two couples that she knew.

Hama thought that Jet and Zuko were too similar--too aggressive--and Mai and Ty Lee too different. 

Hama thought that she and Kanna had struck that perfect balance of an ideal relationship.

They were both confident, headstrong, and unafraid to speak their minds. They liked the same music and the same books. They were both interested in medicine, and they both did not let a man rule their lives just because that was what society expected of them. They understood each other in a way that no other of their friends could, and it was because of that their friendship, and eventual relationship, was be able to grow so strong.

But they were different too. Kanna was more patient and understanding--more likely to forgive. That's not to say that Kanna was a "forgive and forget" type person, because she wasn't, but she knew better than to take her anger and pain out on other people. She didn't hold grudges either, when someone apologized and showed that they had truly changed, Kanna forgave. That's what she helped Hama with. She helped Hama be more patient, helped her to hold less grudges, helped her find other ways to deal with the pain and hurt that came from her wounded past, helped her be more calm and forgiving. And that's what Hama needed.

Hama was more impulsive--more passionate and adventurous, and sometimes reckless. And sure, sometimes that got her into trouble, and sometimes those traits of hers were used in a negative light, but sometimes a little impulsivity and recklessness was what was needed in life. Sometimes, you just needed to be more passionate and just do something for the sake of doing without any care for the rest of the world, and that was the lesson that she taught Kanna.

Sometimes she regretted teaching Kanna that. She regretted it a lot after the third day of September, 1940. That night, after the loop was set, Kanna had announced that she'd be leaving to fight in the war and to fight the Hollows and Wights. Said that it couldn't go on anymore, not like this. Said that the longer the war raged on and the longer those things were out there, lurking, they wouldn't ever be safe. No other peculiar person would be safe, and she had the power to do something about, so she did.

Hama wanted to be angry, she really did. She wanted to be angry at Kanna for leaving her behind, for risking her life without thinking of their friends, of _her_. Wanted to call Kanna selfish, but she just couldn't. Because it wasn't selfish, it was noble, and any other person would be proud that their partner was brave enough to enlist themselves in a war, not for glory or because they had to, but because they wanted to help people. 

So, that night she cried like a pathetic child. And she hugged Kanna tightly, afraid to let go, afraid that it would be the last time she would get to hold her in her arms. She whispered sweet nothings into her hair in between sobs. Whispered that she'd miss her, and that she would write to her everyday, whispered that she'd loved her, and that she would be impatiently awaiting the day for her return. She told Kanna that she would wait for her with impatience because patience had always been Kanna's thing. And Kanna had laughed and hugged her as tightly as she could.

Kanna had said goodbye to everyone else afterwards, and she left in the morning, leaving behind her clothes, her hair, and her name. 

She had left Hama with Kanna's most favorite writing pen with her favorite blue ribbon tied around it to remind her of Kanna.

Zuko had comforted her when Kanna left and tried to the best of his ability to be her for her. Zuko, however, was emotionally inept, a result of his more than damaged and messy childhood with his father, but Hama appreciated the effort. 

Two weeks later, Hama had to comfort him instead because Jet's brashness had finally claimed his life.

Hama had thought that Jet and Zuko were to similar, and assumed that their relationship wouldn't work out because of it. It turns out, they were different enough where it mattered, and now, because of that difference, Zuko was here and Jet was not.

She thought that she and Kanna would last, because they had struck the perfect balance of similarity and differences, and yet Kanna wasn't here with her anymore.

She had thought Mai and Ty Lee wouldn't last because they were too different, but they were the only couple that remained. 

Hama supposed that assumptions wouldn't help her anymore. That didn't stop her from making them, though.

Hama had always assumed that after the war was over, Kanna would come back, because that's the logical assumption anyone would make. But then the second day of September, 1945 came and Kanna was not back. The war had just ended, so she supposed she aught wait a few days for her lover.

But then a week passed, and then another, and then another. No Kanna.

Eventually, in October, a letter came.

Kanna was not coming back. Not yet, anyway.

Kanna said she'd come back, she just needed more time; a few more months to do this and that. 

She and Kanna exchanged letters still, although the letters were somehow far less frequent than the letters had been at war. 

But then, a few more months came and went, and Kanna had still not come back.

She still exchanged letters with Kanna, but they were more stilted now, and far less frequent, but Kanna still wrote to her, and Hama clung to those letters, no matter how many few of them came now, she clung to those letters and continued to ~~hope~~ to _assume_ that someday, Kanna would come back.

But then, Kanna stopped writing in 1949. 

Hama wrote and wrote and wrote, and was met with nothing but silence. 

She refused to believe that Kanna was dead, but she didn't want to think that Kanna was ignoring her either. She just assumed, that her letters weren't getting through--that was all. Kanna still loved her. Kanna had once said that she would always love her, and Kanna didn't just lie about those things. 

So one day, in 1951, Hama had sent a letter.

_Feeling caged without. I miss you very much, my dear. Everyday that passes, if you could call it that, is getting more and more bleak; life just doesn't have the same excitement it once did, not without you. Won't you come back? I've waited everyday for you, I can wait a few more, just tell me when you'll come back. I hope your thinking of me, the way I'm thinking of you._

_Kisses,  
Hama <3_

That was the first time Hama had gotten an answer from Kanna, and also the last time.

_My love,_

_Of course I'm thinking of you. There is not a day that passes by in which I don't think of you. But I need you to stop writing to me. I am begging you, to please stop writing to me. I am not coming back, not next week, not next month, not next year. I have a life now, a life here in the United States. I have a husband now. I have to stay here, I'd love to tell you more, but I'm afraid you wouldn't understand why. I'm sure you're asking why, but it the why is nothing more than just it was what needed to be done. I am sorry things had to end this way._

_I'm sorry,_

_Kanna Portman_

So, there it was. I love you, but don't write back. I love you, but I'm not coming back. I love you, but we can't be together.

Hama cried all night long after that letter. She had hidden herself away in her room and just cried and mourned. Mourned for her relationship. Her relationship with Kanna that had been so short, and yet controlled over so much of her life, and she kind of hated herself in that moment too. She hated herself for feeling these things, because she shouldn't be feeling these things, the relationship had only lasted a year, by this point, she had spent more without Kanna than she did with her, so why, why, why?! Why did she care so much, why did she _still_ care so much? Why did she hurt so much? Why was she hurting so much, when she shouldn't be? Why can't she just forget her and move on like Kanna was able to do to her?

And Hama did try. Try to forget her, and it should've been easy, with time never passing and moving her memories should have blended together until they were almost indecipherable from one to the other, until Kanna was just a passing thought. A random memory that she occasionally recalled every few decades or so, but she was just so damn hard to forget.

And years past, and years turned into decades and decades turned into almost centuries, and there was not a day that went by that she did not think about Kanna. She moved on to the best of her ability, but there were moments where she couldn't help but be annoyed at seeing Mai and Ty Lee so happy or at walking in on Suki and Yue giggling to each other, because that just reminded her of something she once had and will never get to have again.

But she made her peace with the fact that Kanna was now old and married and probably had two kids and about a dozen grandchildren. And Hama was still stuck here, forever eighteen. 

But it is what it is, life goes on and you have to move on. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, she thought that Zuko got the lucky end of the stick. He'd lost someone he cared about very much and it was very heartbreaking, there was no denying that, but at least he had the comfort of knowing that Jet loved him to the very end and that the only reason that they're not together anymore was because death separated them, not because they separated from each other.

Hama had no such comfort. 

She thought it was worse to know that Kanna was alive and well and that she could always come back to her, she just didn't want to.

And she continued thinking that until the fifteenth day of June, 2011 happened.

Miss Ursa had sent her, Azula, and Yue out of the loop and into modern times to look for a pair of peculiar children and bring them back to the loop. Yue had been excited at the prospect of getting to meet new people, Azula, predictably, had been very annoyed. Hama did not care one particular way or another, sure, after being forced to spend time with same group of people over and over and over again for years on end and never being able to meet someone new, the prospect of new people was sort of exciting, but at the same time, Hama did not like being sent to look after a pair of annoying high schoolers. 

That was, until she saw Sokka for the first time.

Maybe she was being stupid and hopeful. No, not maybe, she _was_ being stupid and hopeful. Because it had been seventy years, and if Kanna was still alive then she'd be 89, and the person she was looking down on was not 89. 

But, he just looked _so_ much like her, especially after she had cut off her hair just before she left, that for a minute, only a minute, Hama had let herself believe that Kanna had come back. And she knew she was being stupid, feeling this way, because it had been _seventy_ years and this was clearly just some hallucination that Hama was having (or very good genetics, but Hama did not want to think about that) or something, but that didn't stop her from calling out to him--her-- _them_.

"Kanna, is that you?" She had asked, ignoring the glare Azula gave her.

Then, the person turned around and looked at her. They really did look like Kanna, same nose, same eyes, same lips, same face. Maybe their body had been different, Kanna had always been quite slender whereas this person was lanky, and they definitely looked younger than Kanna had when she'd left, but they still looked very much like Kanna that she couldn't help but be stupid.

And then, she looked up and saw someone else that looked a lot like Kanna had, maybe more so than the first person. That was when her mind caught up and stopped being stupid. That was when she made the realization that Kanna hadn't come back, her grandchildren had. 

Hama experienced grief for what was maybe the fourth time in her life and the first time that day. It wasn't the grief you felt when you lost someone to the great beyond, it was a grief you felt when something was finalized once and for all and you knew that was the end, and yes, there was a difference. 

And before Hama even realized it, she was running. Running away from her problems like a coward. Running away like a child would run away from a dark room at night or like a rabbit would run away from the farmer's gun. She felt sadness and anger, and maybe a little despair, but she didn't know who it was aimed at.

The children for existing?

Miss Ursa for sending _her_ to go after the children even though she must have known who they were related to? 

Or at Kanna for everything?

She didn't know, she just ran, well aware that Azula, and maybe Yue, were right behind her. Well aware that she was being chased by her lover's _grandson_.

And she still didn't know why she was being like this, after all, she knew that this would happen someday. She knew that Kanna had gotten married and that some point during that marriage she had kids and that those kids were bound to have grandkids some day, so why did it hurt? Maybe because she never expected to meet them. Maybe because she never expected them to show up at her doorstep and demand they be let inside. 

And maybe she was angry at all of them. At the grandchildren and at Miss Ursa and at Kanna. And maybe she was being unfair, being angry at the kids that didn't ask to exist and being angry at the kids who didn't choose who their family was, but Hama's life had always been filled with unfair, so she figured that she was allowed to be unfair for once.

And the thing was, Hama wasn't stupid. She did stupid things, but that didn't mean that she herself was stupid, so when the boy said that his name was Sokka and that his grandmother was Kanna and that she was the one who sent them to the island, he wasn't lying. He couldn't have been. She knew that he couldn't have been a Wight either, not someone this young, but that didn't stop her from being angry and irrational, and that didn't stop her from thinking those thing anyways, because denial had always been far more easier than acceptance.

She still didn't believe when Azula came back with his sister and a furious Yue who was being rational and reminding them of what Hama was already aware of but didn't want to accept. 

She didn't believe when Sokka woke up from having passed out and acted like a complete buffoon and was forcefully reminded of _Kanna_ acting like a complete buffoon when they had first met. 

But even she couldn't keep up her denial forever, especially not when these children were the spitting image of Kanna. They looked like her, talked like her, they even _acted_ liker her, with the same mannerisms that she displayed once, forever ago. 

So she had to accept the facts that were in her face, no matter how painful they might've been.

Facts such as the one she was hearing right now.

_"Is she..."_ Miss Ursa was saying, _"Has Kanna...has Kanna passed_?" 

And Hama was very still, but she refused to believe because...no. she _couldn't_ have, not yet, anyways. She...she couldn't be--

The children didn't answer her, not verbally anyways, but the silence was telling enough for Hama.

_"She's gone."_

Hama refused to believe it because...because....because, because, because, because--

Everything after that was nothing but white noise as Hama let herself drop to the ground, her body convulsing and wracking with pitiful sobs. And Hama experienced grief for what was maybe the fifth time in her life and the second time that day. This was a type of grief that she'd never had the misfortune of experiencing before but had the misfortune of experiencing right now. All alone, lying on the floor of a dimly lit hallway outside of the room that contained a pair of people that she should hate. That she should despise, but she was just too devastated to think of that.

Maybe she shouldn't be feeling sorrow, maybe she shouldn't feel heartbroken, maybe she shouldn't be crying right now, after all, hadn't she shed enough tears for this woman? And yet she was. Because Kanna was gone. And maybe, before, she could convince herself that she would be able to talk to her one last time, because she was alive then, but Kanna was just gone now, _dead_ , and she was never coming back, and the last thing Kanna had ever said to her was a measly _I'm sorry_. 

Well, Hama's sorry too. And she's angry. Very angry, and she's sorry that she's angry. But she had been hurt so many times before, and it was hard to think that once this woman made her happy. This woman who had just left and never come back without saying why, had once made her smile. This woman who had made her cry so many times had once made her laugh. This woman had once promised that they'd be able to be together for as long as time and space would let them, is now dead.

And maybe, all of those happy memories just make it worse. So much worse. Because they had been happy and in love once, and now? Now Hama thinks that part of her hates her just as much as she loves her. And that makes it worse.

**Author's Note:**

> I like Kanna, okay? I'm sorry?


End file.
